Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: Hi, everyone, and welcome back to the Confessions in the Home Office podcast. I'm Wendy Hill, and I'm here in Greenville, South Carolina. I've been running my home business, my marketing agency, out of my house for 20 years.
And usually I do solo episodes. Sometimes I have some guests. And today I have a very special guest. My friend Deb Sofield is here, and I have a little bit of a bio to introduce Deb, and then we have some good questions.
Deb is a communications consultant. She has worked all over the world as a keynote speaker, a radio talk show host, a podcaster, and a president and president of our own executive speech coaching company. She trains men and women for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media training, everything.
She's the author of five books. We'll talk a little bit about that during the podcast today.
And Deb is also the Commissioner of Public works for the Greenville Water System, representing the city of Greenville. So she's the first woman to hold this position since 1918, its inception. So welcome, Deb. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: No, thanks so much. You're right. Everybody reads that water line, and they're like, what, 1918? I'm like, yeah, they don't like many women there, so I've been blessed to be there. I love the job. I just love the job. So it's all good. Thanks for having me.
[00:01:33] Speaker B: No, and if you followed up on social media, she'll see. You'll see that she posts a lot about Greenville water and educates people on it. I've learned a lot just reading your posts, and so I think I'm glad that you love the job. So is there anything else that I missed in the bio that you want to share before we get started?
[00:01:49] Speaker A: No, I. I love listening to your information, and I'm like, yep, you're right. That's happening in my world, too. So it's just nice to know that sometime sometimes, because I do work alone, that I'm not the only one that has to go through business trials and tribulations. And I appreciate how you always have a positive spin.
And if not, if I get stuck in marketing, I know who to call, so.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: That's right. Sometimes we have our zoom calls where we're just trying to help each other out, which is a good thing, even though we're in totally different fields. So I have a couple of questions for you today. Hopefully these won't be too tough. Are you ready?
[00:02:24] Speaker A: All right, I'm ready. Okay.
[00:02:26] Speaker B: So you've trained leaders, spokespersons and students.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: All over the world.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: What's the most common mistake that people make when they're doing public speaking? And what's your go to advice to fix that?
[00:02:39] Speaker A: So the number one issue I have literally with everybody is they don't practice.
So they write it, they mumble it out, and they think to themselves, well, I'll be good enough. And I'm like, actually, you're not.
Because the ear can fix what the eye can't see. So you write it, and it is grammatically correct and it's excellent. But it doesn't sound right. It's not warm, it doesn't have an aside. It's not funny. It's too long.
I always say to my clients, I want people to say, I could have heard her all day versus she went on all day since. Same words, different emphasis. And I. I gotta just say, whitney, it happens all the time. I have presidents of corporations who are like, well, I'm the president. And I'm like, yeah, you're a terrible speaker. And it's hard for them to accept that because I'm the president.
And. And what really makes Deb go ballistic is when someone says, well, I'm good enough.
I'm like, really? That's what your audience is hoping for, Good enough.
I haven't gotten fired yet, but I probably will when I come back to somebody like that, because there's probably the one thing that totally chips me off, because I believe you have to be excellent, and that takes work. And Wendy, I wish people would put more time into their presentations.
[00:03:59] Speaker B: So if I'm going to fly somewhere and speak, I should be in the hotel the night before, in the morning of practicing in my room in front of the mirror and going through everything over and over again.
[00:04:10] Speaker A: Not the night before. You should have written this three weeks before. Okay, okay. And we've been practicing all along. And actually, the night before, you probably don't need to read it in your hotel room because I don't want you to get bored with it.
So there has to be a little bit of a spark. But no, you should have been practicing every day for three weeks. Just go through it once. And you know what I tell all my clients?
Record it on your phone. So when you're washing the dishes, it's coming into your subconscious. When you're driving down the road, turn off the radio, put on your speech. And I know it sounds ridiculous, but if you want to be good, not just okay, but good, you have to practice. You have to work at it. And if I could Just get that through. To many of my clients, I'd be a very happy speech coach. But, yeah, it's really something how many people think, well, I'm good enough, and that torches my soul.
Wow. Okay.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: That makes me think, okay, so here's the next one. You've taught at Harvard and Yale, and you've worked with corporate clients and political clients. How does coaching a future leader in government differ from preparing an executive or a student for an interview? That's high stakes.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: So I need to pull the student interview out.
So if you don't mind, because that's completely different. They're usually just trying to get a job.
Nobody in corporate America says so. Tell me about yourself. If you're going to be leading a big organization, especially in the political realm, what I want people to really understand is you don't have much time to capture me. So your opening statement better be pretty interesting. And it has to meet some basic criteria. What are we going to do? Who's listening? And I want you to think in advance.
Who is this message for? Now, if you're with me in politics, I'm going to. And in corporate. So pretty much the same for those two. I'm going to say to you, hey, what are your three words?
What are the three words you want me to remember when you're done talking? Because your brain is amazing, Wendy. If you put at least three words in there, it bubbles itself up to the top and suddenly as you're speaking, these words come out. But the problem is, if you haven't put that in your mindset, it's not going to happen. Otherwise, your brain's like, bing, bing, bing. Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go? Where? In advance you could have said, we're going to talk about transparency. We're going to talk about honesty, and we're going to talk about dependable or come up with some words. I don't want to hear passionate. I don't want to hear committed. Not what everybody else says. I want you to think of three words that when you leave the stage, I'm going to say, huh? You know, it's kind of refreshing to hear someone say, buck stops with me. Honesty. Let's get to work.
So I want you to think of three words that you are going to put in that presentation. Now, for a student, if I'm looking for a job, then I would come up with three words, but it's more like on time, Dependable, curious.
I mean, I'm not sure I want a politician who's Curious. But I do want a young person who says, the world's my oyster. I'm going to go find that pearl.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: That's good. That's really good.
I have to kind of go off track a little bit. So Deb worked with my son when he was 14 so he could get a fast food job. And he's gotten every job he's ever gone and interviewed for. After Deb worked with him and did a. What did you. You recorded him, right? Or did a video?
[00:07:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: And he was mortified. And then she did it again just, what, like a month or so ago. And he's interviewing now, so I think all these things that you're saying work for students and will work for executives and help long term.
So let's talk about your books.
Your book, Speak Without Fear that tackles presentation anxiety. Head on. There it is. And I see it in the background, too. And I know a lot of people get really anxious when they have to speak. What's one practical technique someone can use today to calm their nerves before they step on the stage or go into an interview?
[00:08:23] Speaker A: Okay, so I know this is like, crazy, but I see it all the time. And I'm like, what are you doing?
Do not pop a mint before you speak.
That mint or cinnamon will so dry you out, you'll never get it to come. And you'll be on stage wondering, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
Because you. You just killed yourself. Don't brush your teeth right before you speak. Nothing with milk. An hour before you speak. Milk causes phlegm. So one hour before you speak, it is water unsweetened to your black coffee. Coffee. And that is it. And then when you're done, you can go get your caramel macchiato, latte with whip, whatever, whatever. Deb doesn't care at that point.
But right before you speak, you need to think about that. I see people at Rotary and they pop a mint before they speak. And I'm like, ah, you need to save that for afterward when you have dragon breath because people are coming up to talk to you. So, yeah, don't. And. Okay, here's the other one. Especially for people who speak in the evening. They say to me, hey, Deb, I'm so much better after a glass of wine. And I say, wendy, you just think you are. No, you cannot drink before you speak in the evening.
And it's not because you're going to slur your words, although you might, but because what you've done is you've told the Brain to cool, don't have the energy, and you just shot yourself in the foot. I can't tell you how many times I go to political events. And it's hot. Listen, it's hot. And they're like, I just need to get a blue moon. I'm like, actually, you just need a bottle of water and you can have your beer afterwards. So, yeah, I'm pretty tough on that.
I'm tough anyway, but I'm pretty tough on those issues because you don't have much time to make a second bad impression. So let's get it right the first time.
[00:10:07] Speaker B: I wasn't expecting that. I thought you were going to say, breathe or something else.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: You know how to do all that, you know? And listen, if you have to. And your body may say, you've got to go to the restroom. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. If you do, run cool water on your hands. Cool water calms the body down.
Warm water is going to send you to a stall, but you do what's best for you. But, no, I am blown away how many people will chew mint gum or. I just think this is going to be a long morning.
[00:10:36] Speaker B: So you've had a fascinating career, going from radio host to podcaster to working.
[00:10:41] Speaker A: All over the world.
[00:10:42] Speaker B: Looking back, which role has shaped your communication philosophy the most and why?
[00:10:48] Speaker A: All right, so I think you know this about me, but our audience probably doesn't. Right out of college, I was reading the newspaper one day and it said, make a lot of money, be an auctioneer.
And I thought, I can do that. I remember saying to my dad, I'm going to go to auctioneer school. And he said, yep, and you're going to pay for it, because I am not paying for anything else. And I'm like, fine, I'll take my money. And I.
I got my auctioneer's license. I was a 42nd woman in the state of South Carolina who was not grandfathered in.
And I auctioned all over. And you know what it taught me? First of all, I'm a little embarrassed to tell you. It kind of knocked off those private school uppity rough edges, because when Bubba showed up and pulled out literally thousands in cash to pay for something, I'm like, it just didn't fit in my mindset. I've never. I never saw a lot of people like that.
[00:11:41] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: They're not at the country club.
So it was a growing experience for me to learn to treat everybody with respect. Now, the other thing being an auct here taught me is I Can talk to anybody. I can talk for hours to anybody. And in a world where people don't know what to say, I've got great stories.
So, yeah, that out of all the fancy education and everything that on the road and I'm telling you, I auctioned everything from sled cars to scraps of metal. I just, and then I remember thinking, all right, yeah, this is, it's just too much.
And I, I, I left the biz, I left the company that had hired me and I went out and did some other stuff. So, yeah, auctioneering. I know. Shocking but true.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: I remember that it was probably about 10 or 11 years ago. You were the auctioneer for a non profit fundraiser. You did great.
[00:12:39] Speaker A: Well, you know what, Wendy? There's so few women in this business.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:12:43] Speaker A: So it makes you're kind of interesting. And as you know, I speak at conferences everywhere and there's always one sad little basket that nobody bid on. And I'm like, I can help you sell that. And in that little basket will go for like $600.
And the people who hire me are like, oh my gosh, we should have done an auction. I'm like, nope, didn't come for that.
The extra you get for working with Deb.
[00:13:06] Speaker B: That's funny. So when you're coaching someone, what's harder? Helping them get the words right or helping them deliver those words with confidence? I know we've talked a lot about, about confidence with people with interviews and.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Speeches, so getting the words right should be a given. You should have thought this through.
That's why I wanted you to work three weeks ago, not the night before. Because so little things like there are some words together my tongue doesn't say. Well, well, I would have fixed that three weeks ago.
So now it's the confidence to walk on that stage to give your opening line, which better not be good morning and thank you for having me. We've got to do something better than that and then jump into a message that changes people. Listen, I get it. You may not like me, fine, don't hurt my feelings. But I always say to people, don't worry about Deb. I want you to take me out of me and listen to this person over here because this person can help change your life. Don't worry about my politics. Don't worry, I've got gray hair. Don't worry anything about me.
You need to listen to the message. Because if you're going to be amazing, I've got years of experience to help you craft that message and then make it Memorable again. I want people to walk away.
It has always been my goal, actually. I have a degree in public speaking. I know I'm old, and they had that back then. But I have always wanted people to say, if you're within an hour of a Deb Sofield seminar, go. She's that good.
But that takes work. And I still work at my craft. I still read and study and listen because the world has changed. I have a drawer full of speeches. I don't give anymore. They're not relevant.
And I've got friends on the circuit who keep telling the same thing over and over, and they wonder why they never get invited back. And that's the mark of a good speaker, especially a conference speaker, that I get invited back over and over to the same conferences. And I'm always like, you had me last year. They're like, yeah, we loved you. I'm like, all right, wow.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: You always have good stories to tell.
So let's switch over and talk a little more about young professionals and students and how you've been helping them when they're applying to med school, law school, or just trying to get a job. What advice do you give them about standing out where everybody has great credentials on paper?
[00:15:31] Speaker A: You know, that's such a good question.
Everybody is a 4.0. Everybody.
Everybody's. You know, they are so similar. If you want to stand out. And I have a group of young men coming to me now getting. Wanting to get into the schools, the Air Force Academy, things like that. Okay? So especially my medical students.
If you want to stand out, you better have built a habitat house. You should have gone on a mission trip with your church or synagogue. You should have done some things out of the ordinary, because everyone looks, everyone listen. They all passed organic chemistry. So now what sets you apart? What sets you apart is that you were in Haiti on a mission trip, and when you came home to America, you literally got on the ground and kissed it. And you were nicer to your parents because you realized you live in the greatest country on the earth.
So you have to do something out of the ordinary. Do you have to build the whole Habitat house? Nope. You just got to show up one time. But I have to see that you've done something bigger than yourself for others and not just benefiting you. Because what we're looking for is you to fit into a mosaic. And that's what they call it, a mosaic where you're going to fit right in instead of always being this outlier because you're the super smart one. Yeah. Super smart with no friends. So, yeah, you're not going to fit. We're not going to pick you.
[00:17:04] Speaker B: That's good advice.
Is there anything else you want to share or tell people how to find you?
[00:17:10] Speaker A: Oh, I'm all over the Internet thanks to you, Wendy.
Yeah. Debsofield.com is my website.
Www debsofield s o f as in frank I-l d.com I do have books on the market, so my new was Perfecting your. See, it's not so shiny. Perfecting your platform. This is the book I wish somebody had handed me before I hit the stage. It's listen, you don't have to like my advice, but I'm right. I say to speakers all the time, if you're a speaker, I don't want to see you in the bar at 9 o' clock at night. You're not one of them, you're the speaker. Don't think they're your friend. You're the speaker. And I can't tell you how many times as I'm finding my way to my hotel room, I see, you know, oh, she's the funny one. She's going to carry over Cookie all night and tomorrow she's pretty average. Why? Because she's exhausted.
So this book has those things in it. Yeah, tough love. But then again it works. I mean, you can belly ache all you want, but I'm right.
The other one is I have a series.
This is just one of them. Encouragement for your life. I was on the radio for years and I decided because people would write me and say, I really love that message. Well, you can read it in a book now. And I've got, there's three volumes. There's so much. I was on the radio for so long, about 250 different stories. And you know, I'll just tell you they have many of them have a bit of my personal belief in God and that God does direct your life, but it's also good for everybody. You don't have to be in the faith community to understand that. But at the end of the day, I am tired of people who won't get out of their own way.
And the older I get and remember I'm the youngest of five, the only girl. There was no excuses in my family if I didn't keep up. That was on me, not on anybody else. So these are, I call these tough love memos to really change your life. And they are, and they're please know I love you dearly, but I am going to kick you in the seat of the pants.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: Well, I'll link some things to your book and website and all that in the show notes when this comes out. So good. Well, thank you. That was packed full of great information. And I think if you're preparing for a speech or you have somebody who's interviewing, definitely give Deb a call.
[00:19:28] Speaker A: Thank you. Very good. All right.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: Well, that's it for this week.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: Thank you for having me and have me back anytime.
[00:19:34] Speaker B: And that's it for this week on Confessions from the Home Office. And we'll be back next week.
